Family Matters

Forgiveness can be difficult, and we can’t fault those who struggle to forgive for we've never walked in their shoes, felt their pain nor embraced the hurt inflicted by their grievance. That said, far too often I encounter families where deep wounds have torn the fabric of their relations in a way that no amount of mending can fix.

For the last six years, I have been writing a newsletter, sometimes under the banner of Bench Consulting, at other times, Family.Inc. Today I've consolidated the letters under one name: Family Matters.

I’m going to address new year’s resolutions, a topic that has typically run its course by this time every year. But, I pray this slightly different perspective, is one you may want to explore as we just eclipsed Quitter’s Day .I have a privilege of working with some amazing clients; they are smart and by all objective measures, wildly successful.

Next week, an inordinate amount of time will be spent thinking about the year past and the year ahead. Reflections will ensue and promises will be made. If you're like most people, this annual exercise will end in vain, for statistics show that most of these hard and fast January 1 commitments are in fact squishy and soft with very little endurance. However, there are occasionally those small, sticky commitments that penetrate your soul and find their way into your daily routines and the way you look at the world, the way you look at yourself, and the way you look at others.

I was waiting for my flight at LaGuardia this week. An unfortunate combination of maintenance issues, missing crew, and a little fog, had left me semi-stranded in Terminal E wishing I were home with my family. Holiday music was playing as travelers hustled to and from flights and the feeling of nostalgia consumed me. Truth be told, I was feeling sorry for myself.

There is no arguing Warren Buffett's wisdom, particularly in matters of money. So, instead of my thoughts, today I give you perspectives from the Sage of Omaha, who this week articulated his perspectives as they relate to handling your final affairs.

Venture capital pioneer and executive coach Jerry Colonna poses many thought-provoking questions to his pre-eminent roster of coaching clients. Among them, his signature question stands out: “How are you complicit in creating the conditions you say you don’t want?”

A quick Google search of managerial best practices produces millions of results, from the academic to the inane. According to Future Market Insights, the leadership development industry, which is chiefly focused on helping managers manage, is an $81.2 billion industry…annually.

When I talk with families about the work they could (or should) do to move from a family business to a business family, I often hear sincere enthusiasm and “yes, yes, yes, that’s what we need to do”. These moments are energizing for both the family members and me as my mission is to help families go closer while building clarity and alignment around the purpose and use of their assets (i.e. a family business or a family office).

We spent a week interviewing numerous family members and members of my client’s leadership team. Our goal was to better understand the family's dynamics - what was going well and what needed to improve. The positive feedback was consistent; the family was "so nice" and communicated well together.

When I took high school geometry, our teacher was clear with us, we would not get full credit if we didn't show your work. As you may remember, when solving a proof in geometry, the process is just as important as the outcome.

There were dozens of photocopied pages covered with my father’s distinct handwriting. The dates on the top of the pages went back to the late 80s and early 90s; this stack of papers was a treasure chest of family memories.