Family Matters

Most families don’t fracture because people don’t care. They fracture because people feel misunderstood and misjudged, especially when something important is being shared, distributed, or decided. It could be money, time, attention, opportunities, responsibilities, caregiving, or support. Often, that source of tension finds its roots in the difference between equal and fair, a topic that comes up weekly in our work with families.

In all our family meeting workshops with clients, we kick off the 2-day session with a question: If you could have any superpower, what would it be and why? We’ve heard hundreds of answers, most of which are externally focused. Fly. Teleport. Turn invisible. Abilities that let us escape friction, move faster, or avoid discomfort altogether. They’re imaginative—and revealing.

New Year’s Day feels different for a reason. Even before we articulate goals or make plans, there is a subtle shift. The past year begins to feel complete, and the year ahead feels open. Psychology suggests this isn’t just cultural sentimentality—it reflects how the human mind organizes time, identity, and motivation.

For many, the holidays are upon us, a time of connection and reflection with family and friends. While there are plenty of family clichés to accompany the eggnog, I want to draw your attention to an academic concept that may help reframe how you approach your interactions in this season of joy.

After Action Reviews (AARs) originated in the U.S. Army as a way to rapidly improve performance under pressure. Soldiers would pause after a mission—successful or not—to ask four questions: What was supposed to happen? What actually happened? Why were there differences? What can we improve for next time?

Modern teams don’t struggle because of a lack of intelligence or effort — they struggle because of blurred decision ownership. Harvard Business Review has long asserted that unclear decision rights undermine performance and fuel friction. A 2021 HBR survey found that most of the conflict that people face at work falls into two categories: personality differences (48%) and disagreements on decisions (41%). In a 2025 PwC survey of technology, media, and telecommunications executives, 33% said that unclear decision ownership is a barrier to making fast strategic decisions, slowing momentum when speed matters most. The problem is clear: when everyone feels responsible, no one is accountable.

Modern research continues to prove that purpose and meaning aren’t luxuries—they’re performance levers. A 2023 McKinsey study of more than 2,000 employees found that those who experience meaning at work are five times more likely to be highly engaged and four times more likely to remain with their organization. Deloitte’s Global Human Capital Trends report calls purpose “the glue that holds strategy, culture, and leadership together.” When people believe their work matters, motivation becomes self-sustaining.

When teams know they can count on each other, performance soars. Going back to Google’s Project Aristotle (which I discussed in my last letter), it was found that dependability—members reliably completing quality work on time—was one of the five key traits of successful teams. The absence of dependability creates hidden costs: missed deadlines, rework, and a breakdown of trust.

In 2012, Google launched Project Aristotle to study what made their best teams thrive. After years of research across 180 teams, the number one predictor of success wasn’t IQ, seniority, or even workload—it was psychological safety: the belief that you can speak up without fear of judgment or punishment. Teams with high psychological safety outperformed others on innovation, problem-solving, and resilience under pressure.

Johann Heinrich Pestalozzi was a Swiss educational reformer who lived from 1746 to 1827. Pestalozzi’s contributions to the field of education contributed to the elimination of illiteracy in Switzerland and had a profound impact on modern pedagogy. Pestalozzi’s motto was “Learning by head, heart and hands.” One of Pestalozzi’s students, Friedrich Fröbel, is credited with the creation of kindergarten, and Pestalozzi himself is credited with the invention of the flashcard – that tear-inducing learning tool of our youth.

Being in your comfort zone feels great. It usually involves doing something you know, being surrounded by those with whom you feel safe, and navigating topics without creating ripples of discomfort. You can relax, get into the flow, and just be without the pressure and noise of introspection.

The 2025 summer Harvard Business Review special issue is titled, Dealing with Difficult People: navigate conflict, build trust and work with anyone. There are 29 articles focused on how to build better working relationships with colleagues, how to have difficult conversations at work, and guidance on building higher-performing teams. The issue’s contributing authors are noted experts and it’s an excellent read.