After Action Reviews (AARs) originated in the U.S. Army as a way to rapidly improve performance under pressure. Soldiers would pause after a mission—successful or not—to ask four questions:
- What was supposed to happen?
- What actually happened?
- Why were there differences?
- What can we improve for next time?
This simple framework produced extraordinary results. Research from The Group for Organizational Effectiveness found that teams using AARs improved performance by 20–25% more quickly than teams using traditional debriefs. Companies ranging from Google to Procter & Gamble use AARs to improve project execution, accelerate learning, and strengthen cross-team trust.
A unique example comes from Wildland Fire Management teams. Fire crews work in unpredictable, high-stakes environments where communication breakdowns cost lives. After every major fire—whether controlled or chaotic—crews sit in a circle and conduct an AAR. Rank doesn’t matter. The newest firefighter can challenge the most senior. Dependability, humility, and learning become the culture—not the exception.
AARs work because they turn experience into insight—and insight into action. They provide a structure for honesty that protects relationships while sharpening performance.
Bringing it Home
Families often move from one stressful moment to the next without ever stopping to understand what actually happened or why it felt so hard.
A family trip derails.
A week of miscommunication leaves everyone tense.
A small conflict turns into something bigger than it needed to be.
Most families simply “move on.” But unresolved friction becomes emotional residue. It lingers. It shapes the next moment, and the next.
This is where a family AAR becomes transformational. Not a lecture. Not a blame session. A conversation designed to understand—not punish.
“What was supposed to happen?” helps everyone revisit intentions.
“What actually happened?” brings the truth to the table.
“Why was there a gap?” surfaces emotions calmly and clearly.
“What can we improve for next time?” transforms hurt into hope.
When done well, a family AAR builds something deeper than efficiency—it builds trust. Children learn that mistakes aren’t final. Spouses learn they can talk about stress without triggering defensiveness. Teens learn they can express frustration without being shut down. Parents learn that listening matters more than managing.
AARs give families a way to grow together, not apart. They make conflict a moment of learning, not distancing. And in the long run, they create a culture where no one has to fear reflection—because everyone knows the goal is connection, not criticism.
A Small Practice
After your next difficult moment—big or small—call a gentle, five-minute family AAR. Use these four questions:
- What did we hope would happen?
- What actually happened?
- Why did things unfold that way?
- What can we try differently next time?
Keep it short, blame-free, and warm. Focus on learning, not fault.
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results."
<br/><span class="body-2 opacity-80" style="padding-top:0.75rem">~ Rita Mae Brown</span>
"The goal of feedback is improvement, not judgment."
<br/><span class="body-2 opacity-80" style="padding-top:0.75rem">~ Ken Blanchard</span>
