Venture capital pioneer and executive coach Jerry Colonna poses many thought-provoking questions to his pre-eminent roster of coaching clients. Among them, his signature question stands out:
“How are you complicit in creating the conditions you say you don’t want?”
When I work with families, I often hear from family members about the issues other family members have, those things that dad, mom, brother, sister, cousin, or uncle need to deal with to make the family more harmonious. While these issues often have a foundation of truth, I like to borrow a bit of Jerry’s wisdom and ask them how they are complicit in creating the conditions that frustrate them.
The key word here is complicit.
Complicit: involved in or knowing about an activity that is wrong or unjust. Being complicit is not the same as being responsible for something. You are not responsible for someone else’s behavior; however, you are complicit in the conditions that cause consternation.
The holidays are upon us and with those celebrated days come family time that is often rife with tension and conflict. It will be easy to point your finger at your family members and target them as the reason for the strife. However, I would challenge you to reflect on this question – to look within – to explore how your actions or mindset contributes to the conditions you say you don’t want.
What do you need to do to change the tone and tenor of the holidays this year? Do you need to forgive? Forget? Perhaps address an issue directly with love and respect? Use this time of the year to build the foundations of understanding and trust necessary for the conditions that in a year you can look back upon and give thanks.
Cheers to you and your family this Thanksgiving.
"If I were to remain silent, I'd be guilty of complicity."
<br/><span class="body-2 opacity-80" style="padding-top:0.75rem">~ Albert Einstein</span>
"A happy family is but an earlier heaven."
<br/><span class="body-2 opacity-80">~ George Bernard Shaw</span>
"Family quarrels are bitter things. They don’t go according to any rules. They’re not like aches or wounds, they’re more like splits in the skin that won’t heal because there’s not enough material."
<br/><span class="body-2 opacity-80">~ F. Scott Fitzgerald</span>
