I was 24 years old, and it was my first board meeting as a part of our succession planning process. I was meeting with our independent directors, individuals whom I had known for many years, but often interacted with in more casual settings at dinners and events.
This meeting was in a formal office, suits required.
I spoke with the directors for close to an hour about my interests, my (limited) experience and my career aspirations (I left out my thoughts about being a Catholic priest). Given that I had known several of these directors since I was a kid, my responses were informal, loose, and off-the-cuff; my posture and presence conveyed comfort, not a command of myself.
I viewed the exchange as a conversation, they viewed it as an interview.
Several weeks later I met with the lead director and his feedback stung. He told me I was too informal, that I didn’t respect the role the board was playing, and that just because I was a family member, that didn’t mean I could be casual with other executives.
While that feedback hurt, it was a huge learning moment.
I’m not an overly formal person, I like connecting intimately with others and prefer casual environments to formal ones, so part of the problem was my natural predisposition. However, if I’m honest with myself, the other problem was the fact that I did view myself as a family-owner and I assumed that meant I had earned the right to be informal.
I was wrong.
As a family member in a family enterprise, you need to earn informality with employees, leaders, and directors and to assume you can be casual because you’re an owner is to assume you have respect when you haven’t earned it.
That feedback was transformational.
I was embarrassed with myself and have never forgotten the lesson. If you’re in a similar situation, allow those who have put in their time and earned respect through hard work to be the ones who open the door to a more informal relationship.
