Deep-seated family division and conflict don't occur overnight. It is not binary – one day you’re perfectly fine, the next day, you're not. Family conflict builds over time, little by little, without your recognition, like when day slips to night.
When I talk with families stuck in the throes of conflict, they often say they don’t know how they got there. But like the dusk that fades to darkness, it happens, seemingly instantly, because we’re not paying attention. When our focus is elsewhere, it’s easy to lose sight of profound change as it happens around us.
I was recently asked how enterprising families can avoid that level of conflict, that level of dysfunction. The answers are certainly complex, and there is no silver bullet. However, two considerations to keep in mind: pay attention and be intentional.
Pay attention: If you’re a parent, don’t just care for your children, care about your children. Healthy food, access to opportunities, coaching, tutoring, etc. are all good and valuable, but the most important experience kids will have is their experience with you. When they are young, it’s about being on the floor, engaged in the mundane. As they get older, it’s the interest you show in those things that may interest you the least, and them the most. And as they get older still, it’s being genuinely interested in, and deeply inquisitive about, the experiences life’s providing them along the way.
Be intentional: In nearly all the experiences I’ve had with enterprising families, a critical missing ingredient is intentionality as a family. Every family – every single one – is busy. Every family is juggling multiple commitments and expectations. And it is because of this that intentional family time is so important. We prioritize all the things I mention above, but we don’t prioritize sitting down (as a family) and talking about what’s working, what’s not, and what needs to change. Family meetings are essential to keeping a family connected. Is it one more thing you need to do? Yes. Is it the most important thing you can do to keep your family connected? I believe it is.
Conflict within families is as consistent as the rising sun, but you don’t have to wake up to deep divides if you’re paying attention to the signs and intentionally addressing issues early.
Here’s to a new dawn for you and your family.
"Emotional intelligence is your ability to recognize and understand emotions in yourself and others, and your ability to use this awareness to manage your behavior and relationships."
<br/><span class="body-2 opacity-80" style="padding-top:0.75rem">~ Travis Bradberry</span>
"Tell me to what you pay attention to and I will tell you who you are."
<br/><span class="body-2 opacity-80">~ José Ortega y Gasset</span>
