Durability

Joshua Gentine

April 6, 2025

Durability is the ability to withstand wear, pressure, or damage. The idea of something being durable is most often applied to just that, some-thing.

However, the idea of durability is just as applicable to people and relationships. In Peter Attia's book, Outlive, the main argument is that we need to focus on healthspan, not just lifespan. Healthspan is the period of life during which a person is in good health, both physically and mentally - not just alive, but thriving. It's the length of time you can maintain function, independence, and quality of life.

At the core, much of Attia's prescribed advice is about making you more durable, able to withstand wear, pressure, or damage as you age. Similarly, I would argue we need to take the same approach to our closest relationships.

What is a durable relationship? One that can withstand wear, pressure, and damage.

Every relationship will experience wear, pressure, and damage, sometimes through our actions and other times through the unfortunate grace of God. In my work with families, I see unfortunate events become catalysts for fractures that escalate to breaks, too difficult to remedy. However, it doesn't have to be that way.

Just as Attia prescribes strength training, healthy eating, balance work, and a host of other strategies for building personal durability, you can build durable relationships by investing time and energy in understanding how you show up in your relationships, getting wildly curious about others, exercising vulnerability, maturely addressing issues as they arise, and being intentional about how you react to (and for) others.

Society at large is hyper-focused on self-improvement and the quest to live longer. While I applaud much of this effort, I contend that without building durable family relationships, we will have far too many centenarians missing out on the joy of deep family love in their final days.