One of the keys to a long and happy life is community and connection with others. This theme emerges in academic research such as Harvard’s longitudinal study on happiness as well as social-cultural influences like Dan Buettner’s Blue Zones, and Peter Attia’s Outlive. While this fact has been written about at length, there is also a growing epidemic of loneliness in the United States, a point highlighted by the Surgeon General in 2023. And for men, the problem is particularly accute. A good friend sent me a recent New York Times article titled Where Have All My Deep Male Friendships Gone? that was both fascinating as well as humbling as I identified with the subjects of his narrative.
While I love great research, I’ll let you dig into the reasons behind this epidemic and instead use this space to highlight one opportunity to address it.
I had a conversation with a potential client this week who expressed the fact that, in our brief discussion, they felt more connected and freer than they had in a long time. It wasn’t anything I said, it was what they said. I asked them two questions: What’s going on in your life that you haven’t felt comfortable talking about? and What do you want for yourself and your family? These two questions opened emotional floodgates that their substantial net worth could not unlock. The questions aren’t profound, but they require vulnerability to respond, something most of us avoid in our self-preserving pursuit of control, strength, (often for men) masculinity, and ultimately, synthetic joy.
What struck me most about this experience was that this sense of connection did not take years to achieve, nor the proximity of location; it was simply asking honest, vulnerability-inducing questions.
Net-net: in your pursuit of those few additional years driven by a protein-rich diet and quiet time in the ice bath, perhaps add a walk with your friend (yes, even you too, guys) and open up about what’s going well in your life, talk about the real BS of your days, or simply be with one another enjoying the connection that comes from being present with and for one another.
"Since you cannot do good to all, you are to pay special attention to those who, by the accident of time, or place, or circumstances, are brought into closer connection with you"
<br/><span class="body-2 opacity-80" style="padding-top:0.75rem">~ St. Augustine</span>
"Vulnerability is the birthplace of connection and the path to the feeling of worthiness. If it doesn't feel vulnerable, the sharing is probably not constructive."
<br/><span class="body-2 opacity-80" style="padding-top:0.75rem">~ Brene Brown</span>
