As I hustled between meetings in New York this past week, I couldn’t help but think how much I might have enjoyed living in New York when I was younger. For a host of reasons (some good, most not) I never did the “big city” thing. I regret not doing it. Truly. It would have been an amazing experience and I would have grown a lot as a result.
While thinking about what could have been, I immediately thought about how I would push my kids to do what I didn’t, to experience all those things I missed out on. Then I caught myself: should my regrets be the dreams I have for my children?
Don’t get me wrong, it’s natural to want more for our kids. It’s natural to hope for the best and to work to help them achieve what we believe is more for them. However, your children are not you. Your children will have different hopes and dreams, and certainly their own path for achieving them. Will you accept that?
I ask because when I speak with clients, I hear more than hopeful suggestions and thoughtful advice. I talk to moms and dads every week who say things like “My kids should do X, Y, and Z, it will be good for them.” Should they? Why?
I’m not saying don’t encourage your children to dream big, do more, and experience those things you think would be beneficial for them. However, be aware when your regrets – your life experiences (or lack thereof) – begin to influence what should be your true aim: helping them discover their true wishes, those things which if not fulfilled, will become their regrets.
re-gret: a feeling of sadness, repentance, or disappointment over something that has happened or been done. (Oxford Dictionary)
"Regrets are the natural property of grey hair."
<br/><span class="body-2 opacity-80" style="padding-top:0.75rem">~ Charles Dickens</span>
"I have many regrets, and I'm sure everyone does. The stupid things you do, you regret... if you have any sense, and if you don't regret them, maybe you're stupid."
<br/><span class="body-2 opacity-80">~ Katharine Hepburn</span>
