We negotiate all day long; if you have young children, it’s every 5-10 minutes. If you think about it, conversations with your partner and colleagues are often negotiations as you tussle between doing one thing versus another. And, if you examine your own thoughts, you’ll quickly realize that much of the chatter in your head is simply a negotiation between two competing sides of your personality: Should I eat this vs. that? Should I do this or that? Should I say X or Y?
Negotiating is often framed in a "This versus That" scenario. However, I would assert that negotiating is actually one of the most creative acts we can pursue each and every day.
For example: Imagine I want X, and you want Y. If we choose X, I win and you lose; if we choose Y, you win, I lose. It feels like a zero-sum game.
But is it?
Now, layer in emotion. If I am your spouse and care about your feelings, and we chose X (my preference), I might theoretically win (+1 for me). However, if you are upset about not getting Y, not only do you lose (0 for you), but I also lose because now you’re upset you didn’t get Y, and I have to navigate you being upset (-0.5 for me; net +0.5).
However, if my spouse and I are open to a creative solution (maybe dinner and a movie vs. dinner or a movie), now we move from a net win for me (0.5) to a net +2 for both of us.
While this analogy is simplistic, recognizing the creativity inherent to negotiating can inspire alternative options when making more decisions. For example, if you’re a family-in-business trying to discern between business growth, personal liquidity, and continued controlling ownership, you may look at different tax strategies or financial engineering to satisfy all the family’s needs.
Net net: instead of locking yourself into an OR position, be creative (together) and explore how you can move to an AND position, which will yield the highest net return.
