H3 is elemental. While not a part of the periodic table, H3 is essential to building multi-generational businesses and transitioning generational wealth.
H3 is shorthand for what you can offer a loved one when they are upset:
Would you like to be helped, heard, or hugged?
Charles Duhigg tackles this topic in his latest book, Supercommunicators, a phenomenal guide to having better conversations and growing deeper connections.
I tend to err on the side of helping, trying to solve a problem. However, as my wife reminds me, more often than not, she doesn’t need my help, she simply needs to be heard or hugged.
Last Monday, my son was upset about going to morning camp. I started talking about how much fun he was going to have, how short the camp was going to be, and how I knew he would be fine; I even jumped to doing visualization exercises. Then I remembered H3 and asked him, “Hey bud, do you just want a hug?” He burst into tears and said yes. Two minutes later, with tears staining his face, he was ready to roll.
When a loved one is upset, it can feel strange to ask them what type of response they would like, but how asinine is it to not ask!? Given the complexity of feelings, in addition to how often we’re wrong about what others are thinking and feeling (I know I’m guilty of this) how in the world could you know what someone needs in their time of hurt or frustration?
Ask them.
Knowing how to respond to your loved ones’ needs is fundamental to building a healthy family culture. To understand these needs, all you have to do is ask, “What do you need right now?”
